Eight(8) Strong Things About Masturbation You Should Know


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  • 1. There is no way that you can masturbate so much that you will never be able to enjoy sex with a live human person. I guess therea��s the idea youa��ll get so good at getting yourself off that no one else can ever match it, but someone else touching you is always better than you touching you. It just is.

    2. Ita��s not some weird thing that only creepy perverts do in alleys while wearing dirty nightgowns. Your librarian masturbates (probably among the stacks), your doctor masturbates (hopefully nowhere nearby), and all your friends masturbate (possibly while texting you weird GIFs because multitasking is important in todaya��s modern world). They just do.

    3. If you cana��t make yourself come by masturbating, that doesna��t mean you are doomed for life. Plus how the eff are you supposed to figure out how to do it when wea��re all basically told this next onea��s truea��

    4. No, youa��re not supposed to use your fingers as a mini penis ramming into your vagina. Most women cana��t even come by penetration only from a regular-size penis, let alone this 3-inch dick finger, so yeah, thata��s a road to nowhere.

    5. It still totally counts as masturbating if youa��re just playing with your vulva for hours while watching TV sans orgasm-fest. If youa��re touching yourself and enjoying it, it doesna��t matter that you didna��t have eight explosive orgasms. Honestly, Ia��ve had orgasms via masturbating before and I didna��t enjoy the masturbation part of it that much (I guess my heart wasna��t in it) so dona��t let that be the defining thing that makes it a�?count.a�?

    6. Masturbating even though you have a boyfriend doesna��t make you a cheating skank. First of all, skanks are not a thing, and second of all, everyone masturbates (see no. 2). Even if you love the person youa��re dating and they always get you off, blah, blah, blah, theya��re still masturbating and you can be too. If you need to work them into the equation, go for it. But if you need to keep thinking about Chris Pine for your own reasons (like reasons 1 through 12: Chris Pine), thata��s chill too.

    7. Using sex toys doesna��t make you bad at doing it yourself. Just because you cana��t get off unless youa��re using sex toys doesna��t mean youa��re the worlda��s worst masturbator. Plus, real talk: Sex toys will almost always trump hands. They just will. Especially when ita��s midnight and youa��re really tired and you dona��t feel like doing multitasking circus tricks, but still want to get off super quickly so you can go to sleep already. That saida��

    8. You can still masturbate even if you dona��t have some top-of-the-line, Triple G-Spot Orgasm Monster Sex Toy From Outer Space 3000. Spend a day figuring out what works with your hands, the worlda��s free-est sex toy ever. (Though it is not dishwasher-safe, you guys. Ia��ve tried.)


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